Texts from The Lorax

via The Toast & the perfectly cromulent Mallory Ortberg

diva cup

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MANY TAMPONS THE AVERAGE WOMAN USES IN A YEAR 

I’m in class right now
I can’t talk about tampons
TAMPONS CAN’T EVER TALK
THEY DON’T HAVE MOUTHS
THAT’S WHY I SPEAK FOR THEM 

okay
ENOUGH TAMPONS TO MAKE A TRUFFULA TREE
THAT’S HOW MANY
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE DIVA CUP
That’s really personal, Lorax
NOTHING IS PERSONAL WHEN YOU SPEAK FOR THE TREES
and tampons?

 

finish reading or live a life of noisy regret

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